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BDSM Checklist
General Preferences
Safeword established
Hard limits communicated
Soft limits communicated
Preferred roles (dominant, submissive, switch)
Preferred activities (bondage, impact play, etc.)
Preferred intensity level (gentle, moderate, intense)
Preferred implements or toys
Preferred locations for play (bedroom, dungeon, outdoors, etc.)
Preferred duration of play sessions
Preferred attire or dress code during play
Preferred form of aftercare (physical, emotional, etc.)
Preferred frequency of play sessions
Preferred communication style during play (verbal, non-verbal, etc.)
Preferred level of public vs private play
Physical Play
Bondage (rope, cuffs, chains)
Impact play (flogging, spanking, etc.)
Sensation play (wax, ice, feathers)
Restraints (spreaders, straps, belts)
Pain tolerance level (low, medium, high)
Temperature play (hot wax, ice cubes)
Nipple play (clamps, suction)
Anal play (toys, plugs, fisting)
Breath play (choking, breath control)
Electrical play (violet wand, TENS unit)
Forced orgasms (vibrators, edging)
Humiliation play (verbal degradation, public humiliation)
Medical play (roleplay, medical instruments)
Foot worship (massaging, licking, trampling)
Tickling (feathers, brushes)
Objectification (furniture, human ashtray)
Pet play (collars, leashes, pet bowls)
Water play (golden showers, waterboarding)
Psychological Play
Humiliation
Degradation
Power exchange
Mind games
Objectification
Fear play
Mind control
Gaslighting
Manipulation
Roleplay scenarios
Hypnosis
Verbal abuse
Emotional torment
Intense psychological interrogation
Sexual Play
Orgasm control
Forced orgasms
Anal play
Role-playing scenarios
Toys and tools preferences
Impact play (spanking, flogging, etc.)
Sensory play (blindfolds, restraints, temperature play)
Power exchange dynamics (dominance and submission)
Edging and teasing
Verbal humiliation or degradation
Consensual non-consent scenarios
Choking or breath play
Public play or exhibitionism
Group play or threesomes
Water sports or other kinks/preferences
Aftercare
Cuddling
Verbal reassurance
Physical touch
Favorite snacks/drinks
Quiet time
Applying lotion or soothing ointment to any marks or bruises
Offering a warm bath or shower
Providing a comfortable space to relax and unwind
Engaging in gentle, non-sexual physical contact such as holding hands or hugging
Encouraging open communication about feelings and emotions
Creating a safe and comforting environment for the submissive to decompress
Communication
Open and honest dialogue
Non-verbal cues
Feedback and debriefing
Check-ins during scenes
Journaling and reflection
Setting boundaries and discussing limits
Establishing safe words or signals
Negotiating and discussing desires and interests
Communicating needs and expectations
Discussing any triggers or traumas
Checking in with each other's emotional well-being
Discussing any changes or adjustments needed during play
Reassuring each other of consent and comfort levels
Safety
Safe words and signals
Emergency procedures
Consent and boundaries
Aftercare plan
Regular STI testing
Negotiate limits and boundaries before play
Establish a safeword system (e.g. traffic light system)
Have a discussion about potential triggers and trauma
Create a plan for dealing with any unexpected reactions or emotions during play
Discuss any medical conditions or allergies that may impact play
Ensure all equipment is in good condition and used properly
Have a plan in place for checking in with each other during and after play
Community and Resources
Local BDSM groups
Online forums and communities
Workshops and classes
Recommended reading
Professional resources (therapists, educators)
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